


You're So Golden

by Stina0098



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) Needs a Hug, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23231587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stina0098/pseuds/Stina0098
Summary: Mark thinks it would probably be easier to figure out if his best friend likes him back if said friend wasn'talsoset on clinging to people like it was going out of style.Or alternatively, Donghyuck and Mark have different concepts of personal space and misunderstandings ensue.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 64
Kudos: 865





	You're So Golden

**Author's Note:**

> this story has been sitting mostly finished on my computer for weeks. i told myself yesterday that i wasn't allowed to begin writing a new one until it was completed and lo and behold, here we are! hope you enjoy!

It starts with a party.

A _college_ party that Mark had been invited to weeks ago but never actually planned on going to until Jaemin had found out that his crush was going and Donghyuck had stated that a student party was bound to lead to at least some drama that they shouldn’t miss.

And while Mark had been to his fair share of college parties and knew that they were usually overcrowded and more often than not had strange people offering around white powder, he had still planned on going simply to hang out with Donghyuck and make sure that he didn’t run into too much trouble.

He _hadn_ ’ _t_ planned on his partner in environmental management getting sick and falling behind schedule on their rapport, Mark belatedly coming to the realization that going to a party would be a very, _very_ bad idea.

“You can study all day tomorrow.” Donghyuck says over the phone, the frown practically visible in his voice. “You can still come to the party tonight.”

“It’s 30 percent of my grade, Hyuck.” Mark says tiredly, rubbing his eyes and glancing longingly at his bed.

The line is quiet for a few seconds before Donghyuck speaks up again, and when he does he sounds nowhere near as cheerful as he had when he had just called to ask if he wanted to get dinner before heading there together.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. You didn’t come to Jeno’s last night and you cancelled our plans last week, too.”

Guilt settles over Mark.

“I know.” He says, feeling like the worst friend alive. “I’m sorry, we can hang out all of next week or something.”

“I don’t know,” Donghyuck responds sharply. “Maybe I’ll be busy.”

And then he hangs up.

Mark bites his lips, wondering if he should try calling him back.

It was true that he’d neglected his friends during the last two weeks, too wrapped up in his own schedule to meet them for anything other than quick study dates or thirty-minute lunches, but he’d actually taken the evening off from both his job and from studying in order to watch a movie with Donghyuck last week.

He’d even let Donghyuck choose which movie to watch, despite knowing that Donghyuck’s taste in movies was only bearable at best, but then the car in front of him had gotten into an accident and he’d only managed to get there when the movie was nearing its end.

Donghyuck had been gone by the time he’d arrived, texting him that he’d felt a headache coming on and that he’d actually been relieved to just go home and sleep. Mark had still felt bad about it, disappointed that their plans had fallen through, and judging from Donghyuck’s words over the phone, he wasn’t as indifferent to Mark not showing up as he’d wanted him to believe.

Mark makes some tea and tries to focus on the project in front of him, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, but disregards his laptop completely after an hour passes by and he only manages to add fifty words to his glaringly-empty document.

Knowing that he won’t be able to study unless he makes up with Donghyuck, Mark picks up his phone –grades important but never more important than Donghyuck.

He isn’t surprised when his calls go straight to voice mail, Donghyuck turning unusually petty when he’s annoyed, and with no other option Mark decides to go to the party, figuring that it won’t hurt him too much if he’s only there for an hour or two and then leaves.

The party is not too far from his dorm and it’s easy to find by the distant sound of music alone, of people talking loudly. Mark searches for his friends over the crowd of students, hoping to at least find a familiar face, and is relieved when he finally spots Jaemin’s bleached head on the porch, a red cup in hand.

“Hey,” he says in surprise when Mark weasels his way through the mass of people and taps his shoulder, smile as piercing as always. “I didn’t think you were coming. Donghyuck was sulking the entire way over.”

“Do you know where he is?”

Jaemin shakes his head.

“I don’t know, we split up when we got here. I think he might have gone upstairs.”

With no better option, Mark heads upstairs, trying not to trip over the dozen or so people sitting on the staircase. It’s a little bit quieter on the second floor, but it’s still cramped, and Mark has almost given up on finding Donghyuck when he finally spots him, recognizing him anywhere.

His heart does a little jump, coming alive like it always does when he’s around Donghyuck, and it takes him a few seconds until he notices that Donghyuck isn’t alone. He is standing next to a boy in a flannel shirt that Mark has never seen before –close enough for him to have his hand on Donghyuck’s shoulders, for Donghyuck to lean in and whisper something in his ears.

The boy laughs, and Mark gets a bad feeling in his guts.

He’s used to people falling left and right for Donghyuck, trying their best to get Donghyuck to like them back, but it never fails to leave a bad taste in his mouth.

The only blessing is that it never seems to work, Donghyuck never as interested in them as they are in him.

Mark tries to brush the feeling off, telling himself that Donghyuck and the stranger probably knew each other from class, that he has no reason to be worried.

It works right up until the moment Donghyuck leans in and kisses him.

* * *

It becomes apparent from the very first time Mark meets Donghyuck that they have a very different concept of personal space.

Donghyuck wraps his fingers around people’s wrists and has no second thoughts about slinging a leg over their waist or an arm over their shoulders. It leaves Mark staring at him in surprise the first time he witnesses it, wondering if he’s always that clingy or just to the people he’s close to.

It usually takes Mark a long time to even feel comfortable enough to reciprocate other people’s hugs and casual touches, let alone initiate them. Even when he does it’s not nearly to the same extent as Donghyuck, who pecks people on their cheeks only because he can get away with it and jokes about being Jeno’s first kiss back in middle school –never failing to make Jeno look a little green.

Mark has always known that it’s a bad idea to read too much into Donghyuck’s touches, to allow himself to think that Donghyuck might like him back for even a second, but that still hadn’t stopped his breath from catching when Donghyuck sought his gaze from the other side of the room.

It still hadn’t stopped him from wondering if maybe, just maybe, Donghyuck treated him a little bit differently, that there was a reason he always rejected the people asking him if he wanted to get a drink. That the hand stroking up and down his back when Mark had caught a cold had been uncharacteristically gentle, that the smiles Donghyuck sent him were softer than the ones he sent others.

He had clearly read too much into their relationship if the reason Donghyuck wasn’t answering his calls was because he was busy kissing a stranger, not nearly as bothered by Mark not going to the party as Mark had wanted to believe.

Mark stumbles downstairs and manages to make it outside without somehow tripping over his own two feet, for once thankful that he doesn’t bump into anyone he knows.

The image of Donghyuck tilting his head to press his lips against the other boy replays in his mind, and without wanting to Mark wonders if they are still kissing against the wall or if they had found an empty bedroom, if the reason Donghyuck had been so annoyed with him was because he’d been wanting to tell him that he’d finally found someone he liked back.

Mark feels nauseous, but more than anything he feels foolish, like an absolute idiot for reading into things that weren’t there.

Donghyuck texts him early the next morning, asking if he can come over, that he can bring snacks and that they can study together. Mark reads it as the apology it is but doesn’t know how to be around Donghyuck when he feels like someone has kneed in the chest only at the thought of him and answers his text with a lie that he has other plans.

He watches three little dots appear and disappear, Donghyuck changing his message for several minutes before he receives a simple “I understand, good luck. Make sure to rest.” in response and Mark has to swallow, the pain striking in its intensity.

He somehow manages to finish the rapport, handing it in although it isn’t nearly as good as it would have been if he wouldn’t have struggled to as much as focus on the paper. Donghyuck texts him and asks him how it had gone, and Mark stares at the text for an unreasonably long period of time before answering.

He’d spent two days thinking about what to do, finally deciding that the best thing would be to simply distance himself from Donghyuck until the heartbreak faded, until he could be around Donghyuck and not think about how soft he looked in his grey hoodie or how nice he smelled. Until he could think of Donghyuck like he thought of the rest of his friends, fondly but without even the smallest desire to lean in and kiss him.

He blows off any more requests Donghyuck makes to hang out, feigning a headache or that he’s already made plans, but as Wednesday comes around he knows that his excuses are rapidly running out.

He, Donghyuck and Renjun have had a standing study-date at their local coffee shop every Wednesday since they first enrolled, and Mark knows that he won’t be able to miss it without definitely alerting them both to the fact that something is wrong.

There is also the small matter of Mark missing Donghyuck, not having gone more than a few days without seeing him for at least a year or two.

When he gets to the café Donghyuck and Renjun are already there, having grabbed a seat by their usual table. Donghyuck is leaning against Renjun, laughing at something on his phone, and doesn’t notice him walking through the door.

Mark manages to stop himself from making an unhappy expression just as Donghyuck looks up and spots him, straightening up.

Mark takes a deep breath as he approaches, bracing himself.

“Hey,” Donghyuck says, removing his jacket from the seat next to him despite there being an empty seat next right next to Renjun, and Mark drops his things, awkward. He feels Donghyuck’s gaze on him the entire time he does.

“I’m going to buy something to drink.” Mark says before Donghyuck can say anything else, and for once Mark is thankful that the line is as long as it is. When he returns, clutching a mocha Frappuccino in his hands, Renjun is putting on his jacket.

“Are you leaving?” Mark asks, frowning as Renjun grabs his books and puts them into his backpack.

“Yeah,” Renjun answers, sending him a sheepish smile. “I’d forgotten that I’d told Jeno I’d meet him before class.”

Mark tenses.

When he’d decided to go to the café he hadn’t anticipated that Renjun would disappear only a few minutes after he’d gotten there, leaving him alone with the one person he had wanted to avoid in the first place.

“Alright.” Mark says stiffly. “See you tonight, then.”

Renjun nods, sending Donghyuck a pointed look that Mark doesn’t understand.

Mark sits down, uneasy. Next to him Donghyuck is reclined in his seat casually, taking up more space than any other person would in typical Donghyuck-fashion. One of his legs is thrown over the other, and between his jeans and sneakers Mark spots sun-kissed skin.

Throat suddenly dry, Mark tries to focus on the article that he’ll have to read for his next seminar, but it’s the first time in over a week that he and Donghyuck are alone and Mark feels more conscious of Donghyuck sitting only a few inches away from him than he should.

“Did you hear about Jaemin sending a nude to his boss?” Donghyuck asks, cutting his musings short.

“I—no?”

Donghyuck grins, getting into a long story about how Jaemin had apparently pressed the wrong number at two am in the morning, thinking that he was texting Jisung, the freshman Jaemin had been hooking up with since the beginning of the school year, and sent his boss a picture that he had never planned on letting anyone else see.

Mark feels himself reluctantly soothed by Donghyuck’s voice, relaxing against his chair despite himself, and a bit of tension drains from Donghyuck’s shoulders as well. It makes him wonder if Donghyuck had been able to pick up on his mood, if he probably wasn’t as nonchalant as he had wanted Mark to believe. 

Donghyuck’s hand comes to absentmindedly stroke his neck, and Mark shivers, forcing himself to lean away from his touch. Donghyuck’s voice falters for a second before he resumes his story, retracting his hand, and Mark opens his mouth to say something, maybe apologize, but is then reminded that Donghyuck doesn’t care one way or the other.

He’s proven right when they are over at Johnny’s later that evening.

Donghyuck tries to steal a second slice of pizza from Mark’s plate after already having finished his own and Mark groans and pushes him away. It makes Donghyuck latch on to Jeno instead, trying to coerce him into giving him more food, and leaves Mark standing alone in the kitchen, appetite suddenly gone.

Taeyong comes to stand beside him, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

“You alright?”

Mark forces a smile.

“Yeah. Just tired, I guess.”

Taeyong hums, quiet for a moment before he speaks again.

“Is everything between you and Donghyuck okay?”

“Yes,” Mark answers quickly, but his voice comes out too high-pitched for it to sound like anything other than a lie. “Why?”

“You haven’t spoken more than a few sentences to Donghyuck since you got here and Donghyuck has been glancing at you from across the room the entire evening. I know that you two had a small fight last week but I thought that you had solved it like you always do.”

“We’re fine.” Mark says. “It was barely even a fight.”

Taeyong snorts, letting out a small laugh.

“You know, I doubt I’ll ever understand you two.”

Mark frowns.

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s like…I don’t know. Despite both of you having a lot of friends it’s like you somehow always gravitate towards each other. You might start the evening off talking or clinging to different people but by the end of the party you’re always sitting in some corner somewhere in your own little world. Donghyuck and Mark.”

Taeyong gets a contemplative look on his face.

“I can’t even begin to imagine what will happen when one of you gets into a relationship.”

Mark’s face drops, and Taeyong’s eyebrows shoot up, something close to understanding dawning on his face.

Almost as if sensing that he’s the topic of discussion Donghyuck enters the kitchen again, and Taeyong sends him a pointed look, whispers an “I told you so” into his ears before he withdraws his arm and joins Doyoung and Jaehyun on the couch.

“Can I sleep at your place tonight?” Donghyuck asks, looking at him expectedly. “Your place is closer than mine.”

“I wasn’t planning on staying that long, though.” Mark says awkwardly, not meeting his eyes. “I have a test on Monday and I’ll need to get up early tomorrow and study.”

“That’s alright,” Donghyuck says easily, excuse going over his head. “I don’t mind.”

Mark doubts that –Donghyuck having a sleep schedule that results in him rarely getting out of bed before eight even on a weekday— but knows when he’s beating a dead horse and nods, stomach in knots.

His room is as tiny as they come and while Donghyuck’s own dorm is only a few minutes’ walk away and much more spacious, Donghyuck has slept over more times than he can count and heads straight for the drawer where he keeps his clothes. Out of the growing collection of clothes and items stored in his room that belong to Donghyuck, Donghyuck grabs the oversized t-shirt that Mark had bought for him when he’d gone home to visit his parents in Canada, a pair of loose shorts.

Mark looks away as he changes, distracting himself by digging out the spare matrass, ignoring how taken aback Donghyuck looks at the action. They’ve always slept on the same matrass when Donghyuck has slept over, but Mark knows that waking up next to Donghyuck, seeing his sleep-tousled hair first thing in the morning, will undo any of the progress Mark has tried to make over the past few days.

Mark thinks about Taeyong, about how painful it will be when Donghyuck gets into a relationship if he’s still in love with him. His transition into becoming a center figure in Mark’s life had been seamless, but Mark knows that Donghyuck having less and less time for him will be nothing other than painful.

Donghyuck slips into bed and Mark aches.

The space between them feels foreign, and a part of him wishes that he could still be in blissful ignorance, that things could be like they had always been –Donghyuck slowly stealing most of the blanket and Mark kicking at him in retaliation but secretly having to stifle a smile into his pillow.

“It’s cold.” Donghyuck says, turning his head towards Mark and staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. He has a small flush on his face that is probably from the few beers he’s had, and he looks handsome with his hair pushed back, less gangly teenager and more mature –a silent confidence to him that had only gotten stronger throughout the years.

Mark stares, wonders how it is possible to miss someone who is less than an arm’s length away from him.

He says, “Put on some more clothes,” and closes his eyes.

When Donghyuck shifts closer Mark opens them again and puts a hand on his chest to stop him from getting any closer.

Donghyuck frowns.

“…Did I do something to annoy you or something?”

“What?”

“You’ve been acting like I smell or something all evening. You’ve been acting strange.” And then in a smaller voice, he adds, “I thought we were fine.”

“We are,” Mark says, because the only thing worse than lying is telling Donghyuck that the reason he is acting so strange is because he’d seen him kissing someone and had realized that he was doomed to pine after Donghyuck for the rest of his life.

“It doesn’t feel like it.” Donghyuck says, and Mark swallows, knows that he’s being unfair to Donghyuck.

It’s not Donghyuck’s fault he had gone and fallen in love with him.

Mark takes a deep breath and although he knows that he shouldn’t, that it will hurt in the long run, he grabs Donghyuck’s hand and allows Donghyuck to throw an arm around him, to feel Donghyuck against his side.

Donghyuck releases a breath of air, relaxing into his side, and Mark allows himself to curl up in Donghyuck’s warmth one last time, to breathe him in.

When morning comes he knows that he needs to change his strategy, that avoiding Donghyuck isn’t working, that it isn’t making him any less in love with Donghyuck.

Not knowing what else to do, Mark goes to Jaehyun.

“Can you set me up on a date?”

Jaehyun turns to stare at him in surprise.

“A date? Why?”

“I…figured it’s time to get out there?” The words feel strange in his mouth, not even being a part of his usual vocabulary.

Jaehyun looks more than a little confused, eyebrows furrowed.

“What about Donghyuck? Does he know about this?” Jaehyun asks, and Mark flushes, wondering if his feelings for Donghyuck had been obvious to everyone around him.

A part of him wonders if Donghyuck knows about them, too.

He doesn’t think he does, because while Donghyuck likes to tease people and crack jokes that are borderline rude, he’s never intentionally mean. He might say things in the heat of the moment, too proud to properly apologize for them once he’s calmed down, but Mark knows first-hand how fiercely protective he is of his friends, of the lengths he would go to make sure that they’re all alright.

Mark doesn’t think he would still act the way he did with him if he had known that Mark was in love with him, but Donghyuck might not know how deep his feelings are, thinking that he was only harboring a small crush that would fade with time.

For the first time Mark considers Donghyuck knowing about his feelings being the reason Donghyuck never fooled around with other people at parties, never dated.

It would explain why Donghyuck had no problems kissing strangers when he wasn’t there, Donghyuck for once not having to worry about hurting his feelings.

The thought makes his breath catch.

“I…He doesn’t have anything to do with me dating.” Mark says shortly, and Jaehyun looks startled, a bit troubled. Mark can tell that he wants to ask more questions, but he must clearly see something on his face because he refrains.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Jaehyun says, and Mark tries not to notice how sad he looks.

* * *

Despite his hesitation, Jaehyun sets him up on a date with a guy named Jungwoo only a few days later.

Jungwoo’s probably the kindest person Mark’s ever met, funny in a witty kind of way and handsome enough that he makes their waiter blush by only smiling at him, but although Mark knows that he should have fallen head over heels for him only a few minutes into their date, Mark only feels the belief that they could be great friends if given the chance.

When Jungwoo offers to pay for dinner Mark winces and feels guilty enough to confess that he really doesn’t have to.

His confession doesn’t even make Jungwoo blink.

“Oh, I kind of realized that you were in love with your best friend when you found a way of inserting him into every topic we talked about,” Jungwoo says. “I had a really nice time though, even though I think Jaehyun must have forgotten that I’m straight.”

Mark splutters, cheeks burning.

“I—Oh my God? I’m so sorry.”

Jungwoo only laughs.

“Don’t be, I had a good time. I hope we can still be friends.”

Mark is mortified to find himself let out an awkward giggle in response, but finds himself happy that the night hadn’t ended as bad as he had expected it to, making plans to hang out with Jungwoo again.

He is on his way home, making a quick stop at the convenience store closest to his dorm to buy a late-night snack when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He digs it out, expecting it to be a message from his mother, only to see that it’s from Donghyuck.

**you went on a date????????**

Mark can’t read Donghyuck’s expression over the text message but from the many question marks he had used, Mark wonders if he’s excited. He could just as easily be angry, upset that he’d had to find out that Mark had gone on a date through someone else.

Mark wonders how to respond, wanting nothing less than to discuss his date with Donghyuck, for Donghyuck to ask about the details or to ask if they were going to meet each other again, excited for him.

After standing frozen in the same spot for five minutes, Mark answers his text with a simple yes. He waits for Donghyuck to respond but when he doesn’t, despite Mark knowing that he’s read the message, he isn’t sure what to think. He tells himself that he should be relieved that Donghyuck doesn’t ask any more questions but still has to swallow, disappointed that Donghyuck doesn’t even care that he went on a date, having trouble falling asleep for the second night in a row.

He gets radio silence from Donghyuck for the next few days, the longest he’s gone without hearing from him, and Mark would be lying if he didn’t stare at his phone in disappointment every time he got a notification only to see that it wasn’t because Donghyuck had sent him an ugly picture of Jeno or sent him a message asking if he wanted to do something.

He finds himself oddly anticipating Jaehyun’s birthday party only because he knows that Donghyuck will be there, relieved when he hears that Jungwoo had been invited as well since he hadn’t spoken to his other friends about Donghyuck.

They’re sitting on the couch when Donghyuck arrives, looking like he’s dressed to kill. His hair is pushed back and he’s wearing a black, flowy shirt Mark has never seen before. It’s tucked into his equally as black jeans, and Mark stares at him, heart racing in his chest.

He had thought that the worst part had already passed, realizing that he was in love with his best friend, but the longing that hits him when he looks at Donghyuck feels brand new, almost physical. Donghyuck doesn’t acknowledge him, and Mark doesn’t know if it’s because he hasn’t seen him yet or if he has made a point to ignore him.

Instead he walks up to someone Mark vaguely recognizes, who Mark thinks might be in either Jaehyun or Johnny’s classes, and Mark makes himself look away, take another sip of his drink.

He wonders if it had been a mistake coming, if he should just feign a headache and head home. Jungwoo notices, putting a hand on his arm that Mark for once leans into.

“You alright?” He asks and Mark just shrugs, trying to gather some strength.

When he looks up at Donghyuck again, trying and failing to not look his way, Donghyuck is glaring back at him. Or not so much at him, Mark realizes, but at Jungwoo, something odd in his expression, jaw clenched.

Mark frowns, but before he can get up to ask him what’s wrong, Donghyuck turns back to the guy next to him and laughs at something he is saying.

“I’m going to get some air.” Mark mutters, brushing non-existent dust of off his pants.

“Want me to go with you?” Jungwoo asks but Mark just shakes his head.

“No, it’s fine.”

It’s colder on the balcony, the February air stinging his skin, and Mark feels himself sober up, the chill distracting him from his own thoughts. He’s wondering how long he can stay on the balcony without catching a cold when the door opens behind him.

“Doesn’t seem like you like your date if you’re hiding from him on the balcony.”

Donghyuck is alone, meaning that he must have abandoned the guy he was talking to in order to follow him out onto the balcony.

“I’m not hiding.” Mark says.

“Really? Because that’s all you seem to do lately.”

Donghyuck sounds like he’s in the mood for a fight, and Mark sighs, a tightening at the back of his head warning him of an incoming headache.

“Can we not do this now?” He asks, drained. “Whether I like him or not, it’s none of your business. You don’t have to worry about it.”

“It’s none of my business?” Donghyuck asks sharply. “I don’t have to worry about it?” He flushes, looks down, and then adds with a smaller voice, “You know I do.”

Mark feels his throat choke up, Donghyuck’s words confirmation enough that he had known about his feelings, and a wave of hurt crashes over him.

“It’s not.” He says, cold. “And you don’t. Stop acting like I have to report to you for everything when we clearly don’t have that sort of relationship.”

If they did, then Donghyuck would have told him about the kiss.

Mark waits for Donghyuck to say something scathing back, to tell him that he can go fuck himself or something clever and hurtful that Mark will spend the rest of the evening overanalyzing, but instead Donghyuck only pales, expression shuttering.

“I see.” He responds and pushes past him into the house.

Mark slumps over the railing, anger melting away to become hurt.

That’s how Renjun finds him.

“Feel like telling me why Donghyuck just stormed out of the house?”

Renjun has his arms crossed over his chest but there’s nothing angry about his tone.

“I told him I didn’t have to report who I dated to him,” Mark says numbly. “That he didn’t have to worry about it.”

“Oh,” is all Renjun says in response, looking sad. “He could never figure out if you liked him back. I guess he finally got his answer.”

Mark furrows his brows.

“What are you talking about?” Mark asks. “Everyone seems to know that I love Donghyuck. Even Donghyuck himself.”

Renjun is quiet for a moment before he sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“Go and fucking talk to him before I kick both of your asses, I swear. If I had known that becoming your friend would mean that I would have to sign up for fifteen seasons of the Donghyuck and Mark show I’m not sure I would have even bothered.”

Mark bites his lips and although he isn’t fully sure if he’s interpreting Renjun’s words correctly, Mark goes. He heads to Donghyuck’s apartment, hoping that he hadn’t headed somewhere else, and is both relieved and anxious when he sees that the lights are on inside.

It takes a while for Donghyuck to finally answer the door, and when he does he clearly doesn’t expect to see Mark on the other side because his eyes are a bright red. He freezes when he sees him, drawing in on himself, and Mark is tired of beating around the bush.

As much as it scares him, they won’t be able to go back to the way they were even if Mark acts like his feelings aren’t there.

He might as well be honest with Donghyuck.

“I like you.”

Whatever Donghyuck had expected him to say it’s clearly not that, because he gapes at him for a long time, standing with the door open, not coming out and not allowing Mark to come in.

When the shock settles he blinks, sets his jaw, and looks at him with mistrust.

“Then why did you ask Jaehyun to set you up on a date?” He challenges, sounding like he believes that Mark is lying. “Why did you tell me that it wasn’t my business who you dated?”

“Because I know you don’t like me back. I was trying to get over you.”

Mark had thought he had been past the point of surprising Donghyuck anymore during the evening, but that clearly isn’t the case.

“I don’t—I don’t like you back?”

“I was at the party last week,” Mark confesses, and hopes his voice doesn’t sound as sad as he thinks it does. “I wasn’t planning on going but I wanted to see you. I saw you kiss that guy.” Mark says. “And I know that we’re not in a relationship and that you can kiss whoever you want but it made me realize that you don’t see me as anything other than a friend. That’s why I’ve been so distant.”

Donghyuck stares at him, and then he shakes his head almost as if to clear it. 

“I can’t believe—actually, no. I _can_ believe. You’re Mark fucking Lee.”

Mark opens his mouth to say something but Donghyuck beats him to it, not done.

“I only kissed that guy because I was in a shitty mood and you were prioritizing a paper over hanging out as if that wasn’t proof enough that you don’t like me! That I was the only one missing you! God.”

Donghyuck takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, looks a bit bitter.

“You barely let me touch you even though you don’t seem to have any problem when someone else does it, you stood me up when I’d been looking forward to going to the movies with you all week, avoided me like a plague and then asked Jaehyun to set you up on a date. You might think it’s obvious that you like me, but if you were in my shoes, you’d be feeling really fucking insecure, too.”

Mark stops.

It was true that he had always been warier of Donghyuck’s touches than he was of his other friends’, thinking that if he kept Donghyuck at bay, he would also keep his feelings at bay. He had thought that Donghyuck hadn’t noticed, that he didn’t care. He’d had no idea that he was hurting Donghyuck every time he pushed him away, Donghyuck never giving him an inkling that he was.

“I only asked Jaehyun to set me up with Jungwoo because I thought you didn’t like me back.” Mark says, still reeling but knowing that Donghyuck deserved an explanation. “I thought you were just playing with me.”

“Why would I play with you?” Donghyuck asks. “I’ve literally liked you since we were sixteen. If anyone is playing the other here it might as well be you.”

“I…I’m really sorry. I never thought of it like that.”

He’d always felt insecure in his relationship with Donghyuck, not knowing where he had him, but maybe he had also been the one making Donghyuck feel insecure.

Donghyuck sighs, but he no longer looks like he is going to strangle him with his bare hands, something Mark considers a good thing.

“God, I can’t believe I’m in love with such a fucking dumbass.”

And then he freezes again.

“I mean—”

But Mark is tugging him closer, and this time it’s him closing the distance between their lips, initiating contact. It’s a bit awkward, Donghyuck still standing with one hand on the door handle, but it sets his heart racing nonetheless, a shy smile working its way onto his face.

When he pulls away he feels like he’s floating, both of their cheeks stained red.

He refuses to let go of Donghyuck’s hand.

“I love you, too. I thought you didn’t feel the same. It broke my heart.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, but his grin gives him away.

“Stupid.”

And then Donghyuck is the one tugging him closer, and for the first time Mark allows himself to revel in Donghyuck’s touches, feeling no need to remind himself that he shouldn’t read too much into them, simply delighting in them.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it pls let me know!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/donkimaki)


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